Anyway, she wants to come and visit with her boyfriend for a couple days, which I'm not happy about (more on that in a bit). The problem is, it won't just be the two of them. She wants to bring their dogs. Yes. Dogs. Plural. As in not one, but TWO dogs. Two black labrador retrievers. In my house. Which is carpeted. In cream carpet. Yes. Right.
Of course I was like "Hell to the no!" when Mr Bunny informed me of this. If she wants to come and stay for a couple days, fine. No worries. But when she decides that she wants to bring her two not small dogs with her, then we have a problem. She never even used to like dogs anyway. But now she's boning the farmer with the hideous teeth, suddenly she's freaking Earth Mother, loving all animals. I mean, I could just about tolerate him being in my house, since he's already on my shit list. Why?
Well, on New Year's Eve last year, I was flat out in bed with a killer flu, so Mr Bunny was on his own downstairs, partaking of our not inconsiderable alcohol stash. He texted his sister to wish her Happy New Year, and she replied with some sort of apology for all the chaos she caused re: the Alfa...in 2009! He chose that precise moment to have a go at her, and she was replying and what not. I vaguely remember him coming and waking me up to tell me he was finally telling her off (still haven't come up with a name for her). So the next day, he is suitably hungover and I end up going through his phone, when I see a text from her boyfriend. This text tells Mr Bunny that he knows his sister worships him, so why is he having a go at her and ruining her night, and if I have anything to say to her, then I should do it myself, instead of making him send her nasty texts on New Year's Eve. Well I get stink one time, and start to cuss the place down. I mean, who the FUCK does he think he is? This WHOLE car nonsense happened before she even DREAM to pick up with him and his bad teeth and shit haircut. And he playing he want to be calling MY name in his mouth? He damn lie!
So I replied (pretending to be Mr Bunny), saying that he needs to not say anything about situations that are nothing to do with him, and that he doesn't know me, so he should keep his mouth shut, especially since I was sick in bed and had nothing to do with any texting going on. I then sent sister a long FB message, telling her that she and Mr Bunny need to speak to each other properly, instead of holding shit in and having it all unleash via text message when they're both pissed and highly emotional. I told her I am not getting between the two of them, but that they seriously had to sort out their issues, because it's not doing anybody any good. I also told her that boyfriend needs to keep his fucking nose out of this, because it is absolutely nothing to do with him, but if he want to run his mouth, he needs to get his facts straight and if he wants to call my name in his mouth again, then he better fucking do it to my face. I gave her our landline number, and told her what our movements were that day, and that I hope she called him. I also told her she is welcome up here any time and that we hoped to see her soon.
She never called. She replied saying that everything's fine and that they were both drunk, but it's all good now. Steups. I left it at that.
So now it's bad enough that Mr Man wants to come up in my house for a weekend, and have me feed him and make conversation. But for them to want to bring freaking dogs too? Nah. Not in this house pal-o. My logic is, if I wanted dogs in my house, I would have a dog. It's that simple. Our back garden is not animal friendly and there is no kennel. British weather is shit, so chances are the dogs will have to sleep inside because it will be too cold, wet or windy for them to sleep on the cobbles out back. And we all know that dogs do not sleep well in new surroundings, so there will most likely be much whining and howling. My neighbours would love that. I told Mr Bunny that I will just about tolerate having the boyfriend cross this threshold. But there is no chance in hell, that these dogs are coming into this house unless a) I am dead, b) we are divorced and he gets the house or c) I am away for the weekend and she sneaks the dogs in after I leave and is gone before I return. I did warn him though, that in the event of me ever finding out about scenario C, scenario B would soon follow.
He thinks I am being unreasonable. His solution? The dogs can sleep in the kitchen. Eh? Has he lost his damned mind? The kitchen is more or less my domain in the house. I spend a lot of time down in it, watching telly, listening to my iPods, cooking, washing up or reading. Why the hell would I want two dogs to have the run of it? Doesn't matter if it's for two days, two weeks or two hours. There will be no dogs in my kitchen. But what do I find he has told her? "Don't worry. I'll sort the dog situation." He didn't realise how stupid it was of him to say that, because I put my foot down even harder. He's lucky I didn't put it up his arse, but that's by the by.
I told my mom, and she actually agrees with me, which she never does. She thinks I'm too highly strung and have a vendetta against sister. Which I don't think I do. I just can't be arsed with her anymore. My friend V also agrees with me. She was like "No, you damn right! Is your fricking house. Who she think she is at all? Steups. An' yuh know what? Tell that fricking boyfriend he not welcome either! He too fas' an' outta place wid heself." Pure jokes.
There are some kennels we drive past on our way to the supermarket, and I always say "Look, that's where Sister can leave the dogs if she ever does want to come up to visit." And he just goes "Mmhmmm." But now it looks like I'm the one who's being awkward and difficult, when in fact I think I'm being quite reasonable. I mean, if I had a dog (or any other pet), I would never go to the Manor, for example, and take it with me. I'd make arrangements for it to be fed and watered in my absence. But noooo. I name bitch, and I'm just being so mean to poor, little sister. Steups. Not my fecking problem, yes. The fact of the matter is, the dogs aren't coming. And if she wants to push the issue, Farmer Dan will find he is not welcomed here either. I'm holding my ground here. I don't care if I come off looking like a bitch. I'll be a bitch with an ace house, a wicked car and cool hair. Fuck 'em.
If I wanted my house to smell like shit and piss, I'd have had the toilets ripped out when we moved in.
1 comment:
I am totally with you on this. I can readily accept that some people's pets are their 'children'. But that doesn't mean the pets need to travel everywhere with them.
If sis was going overseas, would she book 2 extra seats for the dogs? Sheesh. She can either have someone tend to them at her home while she's gone (the person can stay at her house or pass by at regular intervals to feed them, walk them, etc.) or she can leave them at a kennel for the duration of the trip.
And they want the dogs to stay in your kitchen? The KITCHEN of all rooms? Where food is prepared and it's supposed to be sanitary? I think I am going to be sick....
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