This morning I was standing at the kitchen window again, waiting for my kettle to boil again and keeping my eye out for mad cat...again. When I noticed an addition to the feline menagerie plaguing the estate. Reader, I give thee fat cat. I have never seen fat cat before. But goodness me, is it fat. Like all the other cats (apart from mad cat), fat cat is black and white. But he has a fair bit of white on his coat, unlike blind cat, three-legged cat and broken-legged cat. Mad cat looks like he's mixed with leopard or tiger or something. His coat's a bit stripy and mixed up. I sometimes wonder if that's what contributing to his madness.
Anyway, I clocked fat cat while he was waddling past the same spot that mad cat always hangs out. It's almost as if he was marking the path as his own. He even heaved himself up on to the massive boulder John used to put tuna for mad cat on. I have no idea where the hell fat cat wobbled in from, but I think he's too fat to be a stray. I mean, a fat stray animal is as much an oxymoron as a fat vagrant. Hmmm.
So now we have fat cat thrown into the mix. Steups. What's next? Well-read cat? Handsome cat? Foolish cat? Sigh. I just hate them all. Haven't seen mad cat since Friday afternoon though. In my head, he's in some evil lair throwing darts at a picture of me and making notes about my daily routine.
Sunday 31 October 2010
Friday 29 October 2010
Friday is my Flyday
I've just been standing at my kitchen window, waiting on my kettle to boil and just basically staring into space, when I spotted this cat staring at me from under my neighbour's car. I hate cats. Cats are evil. You never know what a cat is thinking. I mean, dogs are fairly open with their emotions. If a dog hates you, it will growl and snarl and snap at you. If it likes you, it'll wag its tail and bark joyfully and jump up on you. If it's horny, it'll hump your leg. So dogs don't really hide their feelings very well. But cats are a different issue. A cat will look at you, and you'll have no idea whether it's thinking "Oooh, that man is fit! I hope he bends down and strokes me." Or "God I hate you. I'm going to wait until you're asleep then scratch the fuck out of your face."
There are rather a lot of cats on our estate, and a disproportionate number of them are disabled. There's the three-legged cat who likes to shit in my flowerbed, the cat with the broken leg who actually really resembles the three-legged cat, the blind cat and the mad cat. Queens Park Gardens appears to be some sort of cat convalescent home.
The cat that was staring, or rather he was glaring, at me was mad cat. Mad cat has been so named, because it went mad and just started howling and hissing at this fence one day. It also keeps on digging up the bit of grass near to the walkway that leads to our building. Digging for what? I had no idea that cats were diggers. Anyway, my neighbour has taken to feeding mad cat and I had to have words with him about it. Cats like to hang around close to their food supply and mad cat freaks me out so I really don't want it outside my building.
The odd thing is, I think mad cat understood what I was saying, because the same day I told John to stop putting tuna out for it, I went to get into my car and mad cat actually stood on the path and hissed at me, as if to say "Listen bitch, I've got a good thing going here. Don't you dare fuck it up for me or I'll fucking 'ave you!" Yes, in my mind mad cat sounds like an East End gangster. And now John has stopped leaving tuna out for it, I think it hates me, hence the glare from under John's car.
So that got me thinking about animals and how aware are they of what's going on around them. I mean, is mad cat really aware that it's my fault that he doesn't get tuna anymore? Is mad cat plotting my demise? When I shout at three-legged cat to get out of my flowerbed, and he just stares at me, is he thinking "Look lady, I'm not done yet, so take it easy" ? Is blind cat going "I wish I could claim benefits, like half the losers in this town. I mean, I've got one bloody eye!" Who knows? All I know is that mad cat seems to be literally stalking this building, pacing up and down, digging up the path and checking the flat stone John used to leave the tuna on, while throwing me dirty looks. I daren't tell Mr Bunny about this though. He thinks I'm weird enough as it is.
I wish I could kick mad cat. He has grey whiskers.
There are rather a lot of cats on our estate, and a disproportionate number of them are disabled. There's the three-legged cat who likes to shit in my flowerbed, the cat with the broken leg who actually really resembles the three-legged cat, the blind cat and the mad cat. Queens Park Gardens appears to be some sort of cat convalescent home.
The cat that was staring, or rather he was glaring, at me was mad cat. Mad cat has been so named, because it went mad and just started howling and hissing at this fence one day. It also keeps on digging up the bit of grass near to the walkway that leads to our building. Digging for what? I had no idea that cats were diggers. Anyway, my neighbour has taken to feeding mad cat and I had to have words with him about it. Cats like to hang around close to their food supply and mad cat freaks me out so I really don't want it outside my building.
The odd thing is, I think mad cat understood what I was saying, because the same day I told John to stop putting tuna out for it, I went to get into my car and mad cat actually stood on the path and hissed at me, as if to say "Listen bitch, I've got a good thing going here. Don't you dare fuck it up for me or I'll fucking 'ave you!" Yes, in my mind mad cat sounds like an East End gangster. And now John has stopped leaving tuna out for it, I think it hates me, hence the glare from under John's car.
So that got me thinking about animals and how aware are they of what's going on around them. I mean, is mad cat really aware that it's my fault that he doesn't get tuna anymore? Is mad cat plotting my demise? When I shout at three-legged cat to get out of my flowerbed, and he just stares at me, is he thinking "Look lady, I'm not done yet, so take it easy" ? Is blind cat going "I wish I could claim benefits, like half the losers in this town. I mean, I've got one bloody eye!" Who knows? All I know is that mad cat seems to be literally stalking this building, pacing up and down, digging up the path and checking the flat stone John used to leave the tuna on, while throwing me dirty looks. I daren't tell Mr Bunny about this though. He thinks I'm weird enough as it is.
I wish I could kick mad cat. He has grey whiskers.
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