Living the dream?

I had to go do my Life in the UK Test today. I was not happy about having to do that for a number of reasons. First off, my husband is back working in England, so he is driving my car, since our other car is just a weekend car and isn't for a daily commute. This meant I had to get the train. This then meant that I had to walk to the train station, since the bus that goes to the station from outside our flat, wouldn't come in time for me to catch my train. So I had to make the forty minute walk.

Secondly, I had to pay to do this bloody test. It costs £34 and it's non-refundable if you fail or have to cancel for any reason. This means that if you were to drop down dead and therefore missed your appointment, in addition to having to fork out for your funeral, your family will have to make sure the UK Border Agency got their £34.

But the main reason why it pissed me off, is the sheer stupidity and banality of the bloody questions. I've been here for eleven years. I've done two degrees here and I'm from a former colony. I know more about life in the UK than a lot of people who were born here! Not only that though, the questions are just absolutely pointless. How is me knowing the distance from John O' Groats to Land's End going to make me a better citizen? Why should I have to pay to take a test with questions like "If you are renting a property from a private landlord, you will normally be required to pay a deposit which is equivalent to one month's rent. TRUE or FALSE" Quantum mechanics this is not.

So I get there, and there's a few other people there, looking around nervously. They were all sat down, furiously revising before the test started (you need to read the Life in the UK Test book, £20 from The Stationery Store. I downloaded it off t'internet) and taking deep breaths. I was BBMing a friend and checking my email. The American guy sat next to me was busy scrolling through his iPhone. He looked just as annoyed as I felt.

So I walked for forty minutes, spent seven quid on a train ticket, rode the train for ten minutes, walked to the test centre, signed in, and took a total of six minutes to complete a test they give you forty-five minutes to do. That works out at just five pound something per minute. Not exactly value for money. The good thing is, you get your results straight away. You click 'Finish' and it automatically sends your results to a printer. A nice lady then calls you over, tries to make a bit of banter, stamps the printout and signs it. And that's it.

I passed. I will take this to mean that I now know all there is to know about Life in the UK. I mean, I just paid £34 for the pleasure.