Common sense dictates

I'm getting my daily dose of Judge Judy at the moment. I love her...most of the time. Whenever I'm in a situation or an argument, I always think "Will Judge Judy take my side?" and usually, she will. But in reality, I wish I was Judge Judy. Mostly because she gets to tell people exactly what she thinks of them, and they have to take it, not just because she's a judge, but also because they're on telly and a lot of people will do or take anything just to be on telly.

Anyway, this case today, had a guy suing his tattoo artist because he doesn't like the tattoo of his girlfriend. He wants to tattoo guy to give him his money back, pay to have it removed and pay for the cost of the new tattoo. Brilliant! Granted, the tattoo looks pretty shit (and not just because the girlfriend is as rough as fuck), I don't feel sorry for the guy. Why?

Well, the tattoo guy has a lazy eye. It's that simple. I have three tattoos, and not one of them was done by a fat man with a lazy eye. My first tattoo was done a man out in Lostock Hall, which is a small village near to where I went to uni. I had it done during my first year at uni, one month after I had my navel pierced. The tattoo was a swirly thing I had done around my navel. He did it in his lounge with me leaning back on his pouff. Tidy. Still love it today...ten years later.

My second tattoo was done when I lived in France. There was a guy who had a studio about twenty minutes from where I was living. When I'd first gone to see him to tell him I wanted a tattoo, he was like "Mais, tu es black!" and I said "Non! Vraiment? Je suis black?" and he went "Oui! Tu es black!" I don't think the French get sarcasm. But anyway, I went one day after work and had it done and I loves it still.

Fast forward six years, and I was in Sheffield staying with a friend, who is also a tattoo fiend, took me to his tattoo place. I'd been wanting a new tattoo for ages and I thought that as it was my birthday soon, I'd have one done. So we went in one day and I had something in mind, but I saw something else, and ended up having that one done the next day. The girl who did is was the cutest little thing. She was fast and she was good, and it's wicked!

So, what do all these people have in common? A guy who tattoos in his lounge, a French man who didn't get my sarcasm and a cute tattooed chick from Sheffield? Not ONE of them had a lazy eye. To me, that's like letting someone with a twitch in your hand do the same tattoo or pierce your eyebrow. I know having a lazy eye isn't anything serious (my husband insists I have a lazy eye. Divorce is surely round the corner.) but I just don't want to take the risk. I may be a bit weird, but I'm not stupid.

In the end, Judge Judy dismissed his case, while managing to call him an idiot and telling him his arms are going to get saggy so the tattoos were a bad idea in any case. I love Judge Judy. When I finally grow up, I want to BE Judge Judy!